drunk 4 year old ftw

Stories like this just warm my heart.

http://www.newschannel9.com/news/year-987196-old-christmas.html

my dad drives like a snail

So I'm headed home for Christmas. Yay! I asked my sister to swoop me from the airport, fun car ride, whatever. My mom, however, wants to come. And she wants to bring my dad. Prolly grandma too. The thing is that my dad drives like a snail. He goes dead-on, exactly the speed limit or slightly under. It drives me bananas. I can't deal. So what could be a quick, painless 2 hour drive from Chicago to Armpit, Indiana will now likely be a 3 hour ordeal. Party! I think that my best course of action is to arrive very drunk. :)

Thunder!!

Big, long, loud rolling thunder, oh mah god. It's just a little slice
of home. Thunderstorms are great whn you're all tucked inside, cozy
with a fire going. Although my friend, a CA native, just commented
that thunderstorms make her feel mischievous. I can't help but
agree. So we're off to make mischief!

smug little smart car

in your snug little spot. You look like a fucking dork is all I'm
sayin'. A cute dork. But still.

Paris better watch herself.

It's not enough that you were already one of the all-time most irritating people ever.  The baby voice alone made me cringe.  But really, bitch, now you're biting *my* style?  Really?  The last thing I need is some celebu-slag running around talking like me.  This isn't the first time, but I let it go before. I mean, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  I'm over that shit, tho, now you're just annoying.  If I were you, I'd stop parroting me cuz I'm totally gonna start saying really uncool, awkward and flat out weird things.  Your stock will plummett.  Don't eff with me, Paris, I am so cereal.

Loves it (NOT!)

I heart stumble upon.

It's the best slash worst. I mean, I just clicked stumble and guess what I got? http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/5177/ It's a whole page about unicorns. Like, just random unicorn miscellany. My dear friend Adam just gave me an actual project so that I can feel productive so...I'm gonna stop posting.

ps, this might be the worst blog post ever. I'm aware.

I don't think I should have to work today.

Does anyone agree with me? Of course you do. I mean, I'm super tired and feel like poo and I just really can't deal with doing my actual job. So I don't think I should have to work. Who wants to call my boss and tell him to give me the day off? I could really use a good maui babe sesh in the sun somewhere.

dropping science, bitches

It's just logic. Science. Count it.

biting my steez

It has come to my attention that some other rando blogger is blogging about unicorns. Posting pix. All that. I mean, fine, it's cool, everybody likes unicorns. I get it. All it's doing is lighting a fire under my ass to do better. I can and I will. So, without further adieu (ado? who the eff knows), uh without dilly dallying any longer... Look at what Thumpy made for me in crafts class today!!

Craig & Sally. Going strong.

Theirs is a love that will last forever. He's my favorite stalker.

one month?!

Damn, I'm guilty of blog neglect yet again. Oopsie. So anyway, I was googling "kittens" today. I mean, they're so cute, right? Anyway, this comes up. On my google images page. For kittens. wtf? Don't eat kittens! Isn't that just common sense?

so what?

This pic is totes on other blogs. But I don't give a toss. It's going here, too.

Aaaand...I'm back. Boom!

and yet theres more.

He just really, really loves her. Really. I bet he wears a t-shirt with her picture on it. Or maybe they broke up and he's trying to win her back. I'm so damn curious.

more craig & sally...

I'm gonna snap a pic of each one I see. There are tons. They're everywhere.

hopeless romantic or sharpie wielding stalker?

These are all over my neighb. Up and down my street. When I first noticed them, I thought, awwww, how sweet. But some people think it's total stalkertron. Which I see, too. I'm kinda wobbling, or teetering, actually, between creepy and adorable. What do we know about Craig? We know he loves Sally and he's kinda tall (cuz some of the signs are high up). I can only assume that she lives in this hood. Who knows where Craig lives. So is he walking her home from the bart and tagging everything he can reach? Or is he following her and publicly professing his love... Eh, not sure. But I'm intrigued. Craig, you've got my attention.

stupid facebook.

I'm so irritated at people. The ones I went to high school with. Or just grew up in the same zip code with. Maybe I knew you from Sunday school. We weren't friends. We didn't hang out. I never had your effing phone number. But now you want to be friends on the interwebz. Why? Really, seriously, why? So you can snoop through my page? Or so that you can send me "drinks" and fucking "phish lot gifts" and all that crap? Are you thinking we're gonna finally develop a close relationship, keep in touch now, message one another, all that shit? No. We're really not. So I'm just stumped by it. My conclusion is that you're either a friend collector (go back to myspace for that shit) or you're curious (nosy). Not to be rude, but I'm being rude. I have friends who legitimately know me, know my life, know what I'm up to. And those are the people that my photos and wall comments and silly inside jokes are meant for. Not the awkward gen. pop. in the armpit of America whose mundane lives haven't changed in 10 years aside from adding a few pounds, a few DUI's and a few babies. If you're someone I see once a year MAYBE if I run into you at the grocery store with my mom during the few days I'm there...I really see no reason to add you to my little interweb world so stop sending friend requests. Just stop it. Keeping it bitchy but I had to vent.

hello, lover

Does everyone remember Carrie's shoes for her date with Big before he moved to Napa...the I <3 New York episode? Yup, the ones Miranda's water broke all over. They were pink silk chiffon Christian Louboutin sandals, one of the most gorgeous pairs of shoes I've ever seen. I actually stalked them for awhile, hounding Decades in LA and obsessively checking ebay for them. I never did find a pair. Guess what I found at Neiman, tho?! Something very, very similar. I seriously don't need $950 shoes. Drool. Anyhoo, if you wanna see 'em, go here:

http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod67930015&parentId=cat17930733&masterId=cat15470740&index=11&cmCat=cat000000cat000141cat13030734cat15470740cat17930733

prettiest hair awards

And the winner is...Carrie Underwood. Omg, I love your hair, Carrie. It's so, so, so pretty. You're totes my hair idol. Lauren Conrad, you're kinda holding it down, too. Heidi Montag? Trashy and too blonde. Gross. Oh, ps, wtf is going on with your fingernails? But back to Carrie's hair. Let's look at it. I mean, it's all shiny and pretty and blonde and perfectly curled and it's prolly super bouncy and soft. Yes, I'm really writing about this. Duh.

12345...

...678910 11 12 This is neato. Duh. It's from Sister. (sorry for getting that song stuck in your head)

Western Conference.

nataliedee.com

update?

All you followers must be burning with curiosity about my implants. My anchors. Implants are funner to say. So, I've got two now. And they seem healed and gtg. Who knows what the future holds. Paul the needle wielder isn't so sure they're gonna stay long. Maaaybe he's right, prolly he's right, but they're here for now and I love them. They're so groovy. Matching, one on each wrist. I'll post a pic when I get something pretty in. Body mod gone Teetsy. KIP.

and while I'm at it...

stop being such a pussy, Cheech. Man up. Like your teammate here.

what happened, boyfriend?

Um...am I the only one who's noticed that Jonathan Cheechoo's career has been in the toilet ever since his girlfriend, rather fiance, entered his life? How does one go from leading the entire league in goals (56 in the '05-'06 season) to barely showing up (12 goals??) for his team's best season EVER. Dude, you're gonna win the Cup this year and you didn't contribute at all. Yea, I'm talking to you, Cheech. Wut the eff is your effing problem? Hmmm...oh, yea, that's right. Your stupid girlfriend. Dump her and maybe you can make yourself useful in the playoffs. (ps, I still love you, but you need to get your shit together)

RIP Unicorn Planet?

Can you really be over? Upon searching youtube for a fresh ep, I see there haven't been any new ones since ep. 6. Really?!

Bummeroni!! Oh well, here's one of my favorite eps. Your nose looks like a cat.

Dear blog,

I'm so sorry to have neglected you for so long. It's been since before Phish. Huh? Oooohhhh...yea, Phish. No, I spelled it right, it's not food. So, they're this band that I used to chase around. They're really funky and dancey and I ultra heart them. I've missed them for many years, they were on a break. And by "on a break" I mean effed up on drugs and just being lame. So I got to see them recently, they're back in a big way. Killing it, really. So, anyway, I'm sorry for my blog hiatus. I won't neglect you anymore.

xoxo

my new bestie

This is completey unbeliveable. It's a real, living, not man made PINK DOLPHIN. No effing way. Obvs I plan to move to LA and become besties with it. Good thing I love swimming.

http://www.sott.net/articles/show/177792-Pink-dolphin-appears-in-US-lake

(thanks to blu for finding this one)

and you thought my roller disco was fun...

Just when I thought I had already done the most epic party one could throw, I googled rainbow unicorn, which I often do. Duh. And today I found this site offering princess pony parties. There is absolutely nothing questionable about getting a slew of white ponies and dying their hair. This is straight up awesome. Here's a direct quote from their site "The ponies come in your color choice with matching glitter on their nails and sprinkled on their rumps and manes." Just wow.

http://aoneofakindponyparty.com/_wsn/page3.html

implanted

I'm super stoked...I got a microdermal anchor in my wrist this Valentine's day. So sweet and romantical. At least I won't forget the date! It was a surprise belated birthday gift, too, which made it extra groovy. So, yea, I've been wanting to get both wrists done for quite a while...it was finally time to just do it. My piercer advised against doing both, tho, just to see if the first one heals or whether my body will reject it. The whole rejection thing sounds kinda gnarly after everything I read on the interweb about it. Here's hoping it stays. I'll get the other side done in a few weeks, kyp.

why the eff...

does my boss think I'm his goddamned secretary. This infuriates me to no end. Why did I bother with an education only to make dinner reservations or book flights for him?

Cuteing out.

My friend sent me this and it's just too much.


How did those foxes wind up on that trampoline anyway?

I don't know, something about this.

Today is Friday.

I'm really into Friday. I'm not, however, into Friday afternoon, around now-ish (4pm), when the day is dragging and the clock takes 120 seconds to pass one minute. Argh. It's painful. Anyhoo, my bestie sent me this link today and it rules.

http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/errors.html#errors

It's a site about all the errors/mistakes in the English language, spoken or written. I heart it. For the most part, I am 100% capable of using perfect grammar. If I don't, it's a conscious choice. Typically to drive my mother bonkers. I loooooove to do that.

Argh, I hate Friday afternoon. Whine whine whine.

From my bestie:

poem to teets on your birthday:

dear teets.
i love texting you from three feet away.
also from bed when you're asleep right next to me.
when you're there i know it's going to be fun.
when you're not i always miss you.
when you're away from me for too long it hurts.
even bodhi cries because he misses his auntie teets
no one gets me quite like you do
our one liners are not as funny with anyone else
you're amazing, crafty, glittery,
make everything in my life (including my closet) awesomer
youre in charge and you make it look really good.
you're my blondest tannest friend
i don't know what i'd ever ever do without you.
i love you so.
your bestie,
blu
p.s. its not your fucking fault.